Weekend Update - 7/29/16

My message this week? Never underestimate the power of denial, especially mine. As I have been sailing along these past months I was successful at putting a certain something out of my mind. I did this to the point of being somewhat shocked (with the resultant feelings) when said “thing” was once again brought to my attention in the doctors office this week. It’s not that I did not know about this eventuality. I had even discussed this “thing” with my support folks over the past sixteen months or so. However, I had very successfully pulled out my medical degree from the University of Denial and convinced myself that if said “thing” was going to take place, it would take place sometime in the very distant future. The doctor reminded me of the nodules in what remains of my thyroid gland. In short, they have grown and it just might be time to have them removed. My history with cancer, my families history of thyroid issues/cancer and the fact that there was a teeny tiny bit of cancer already in there dictate that it is off to the surgeon I go. I will see him within 2 weeks. Hopefully this will be an “in and out” surgery with no complications or further treatment necessary. However, I was reminded that there might have to be followup radiation. I really do not like talking about this but I also know me well enough to know I need to. Who knows? Maybe I can wait and watch some more. It might be that no followup treatments are needed. I dare to dream……. In the big scale of things this is really part of my new normal and is just another inconvenience. I must admit it did feel good to be able to distance myself from cancer for awhile. It was very refreshing. It is now time for me to show up and follow directions. I can’t wait for bills from this to roll in. I am also reminded that I am in the “donut hole” with my prescriptions. Diabetes is expensive as hell and I cannot play around with the dosages of my medications. I do hope that my story has helped at least one other human being out there to realize you are not alone. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing (and sickening) to me how much all of my medications and treatments are costing. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 7/22/16

Here I sit all broken hearted, came to #&*% but only farted. It’s been that kind of week. A good week with many laughs. I am coming to realize that I need to pay more attention to my ongoing care. There are a lot of opinions out there regarding cancer survivors. I am now more plugged in to that community and the amount of information is massive. In short, it’s time for me to take some things off of the “get around to it” list. This weeks mantra is more will be revealed. More will also be revealed as I see my endocrinologist this week and have some more blood work done. Happy happy joy joy. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing (and sickening) to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 7/15/16

I continue to try to focus on what I am able to do. While my physical world has gotten smaller I am finding my spiritual world is slowly growing. I am reminded of all my ancestors have achieved. Their triumphs in the face of adversity I cannot begin to comprehend. The grace they displayed in life and my sadness that I am only now coming to acknowledge and appreciate. I remember my mother and father and look back at their battles with cancer. Their strength, courage and perseverance in living with their disease and the grace in which they left this life (in spite of it) are giving me the added courage, strength and perseverance to continue to live mine. I have been blessed to live in the age where survival from this disease is so much more common. I have been blessed to be one of those who has survived. I can only try my best to honor them in how well I live this “extra” life I have been given. My perspective has broadened which is good. Back in the physical world … this week has been more of the same. My body is now a science project. The outcome is steady, with a little dash of the unknown and more will be revealed thrown in for good measure. My love to you all. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing (and sickening) to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek And read my blog at: riksjourney.blogspot.com

Weekend Update - 7/8/16

I have been searching for ways to make my life more meaningful. This week has revealed a couple of ways my life is becoming more meaningful. The first revelation has been that helping others is good. The revelation for me was that I can be of help to others. I have to show up as much as possible and by doing so I am finding I have, in some small ways, been of assistance to others. My second revelation has been that even the picking up of one piece of trash can make a difference in peoples lives. The conversations I have had, and am having, with people continue to reveal to me how much in life we all take for granted, how much we accept trash and ugliness in the world because we choose to accept “that’s just the way it is” and/or “someone else will do that” and the sad realization that I/we are so depressed that we feel we do not deserve anything clean or “nice” and that “it just does not matter”. I might not be able to do much or do anything often but I can use the time I have in as positive a way as I can. My thanks to the folks in the prostate cancer support group. The gifts of information, support and perspective are much appreciated. Of course the added reminder that we do not do this alone and are not alone is also invaluable. Sometimes all I can do is laugh at the medical bills. This is one of those times………………………. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing (and sickening) to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek And read my blog at: riksjourney.blogspot.com

Weekend Update - 7/1/16

Life goes on and I am trying my best to move along with it. I am struggling with my limitations (old and new) as I attempt to live my life as I once was able. I was, once again, reminded this week of why I was put on disability years ago before my journey with cancer was even a thought. I am grateful for the encouragement I continue to receive to live the best possible life I can live. I must also say, especially to myself, that there are some changes which have occurred and I need to respect the limitations I have so I do not turn them into even more limitations. I will use the spoon theory a friend of mine shared with me awhile ago. I wake up in the morning and I start the day with ten spoons. My process of waking up and getting out of bed uses up three spoons as I have some minor paralysis issues in the morning. I am now out of bed. Cleaning me up for the day and making breakfast uses one spoon. Most mornings I am able to go for a walk and do some light physical exercises which uses up 3 spoons. I then make lunch, rest a bit and do house keeping chores as I can which consumes 2 spoons. Please note that I no longer take doing the laundry, cleaning the kitchen/bathroom/house for granted. I am extremely grateful for the ability to still be able to do the chores I can. I am writing a bit and sharing my opinion(s) with friends and the world which is a freebee in my day. I will try to walk a bit and again do some very light exercises which uses up another spoon or so. I then fix some dinner and clean up the house as I can. Another spoon used. Some relaxing and off to bed I go. A freebee for me. As you have probably noticed I have used more than ten spoons. I make adjustments daily and some days I have an extra spoon or so and other days I begin wth only eight spoons. This is especially so when I attempt to do “extra” activities. The reality of doing those extra activities is vital to me in order to maintain some level of sanity. I must respect the spoons. I must also add that I will never take going to the bathroom as I choose for granted again. Also, I will never look at being able to walk up or down a flight of steps or walk on uneven ground without falling for granted again. Please know that I am doing all in my power to live as fully as I can. This extra time I have been given is a gift and I will continue to treat it as such. I get by with a little, and sometimes a lot of, help from my friends. As usual more doctors and some blood work that isn’t quite right but all is well. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing (and sickening) to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek