Weekend Update - 1/27/17

This past week I had a couple of moments of clarity/epiphany/blinding flash of the obvious. One was the deeper realization that I am living in “extra-time”. A realization that I was really dying and would be dead if not for my doctors pulling a “rabbit out of a hat” in that what they (he) tried to do really worked. Deeper thoughts/feelings of the idea that I really should not be here now…..but I am. Another was how I have been so willfully unaware/clueless about just how serious my current physical and financial situations are. This was revealed to me while discussing with other cancer patients their personal physical/financial situations. Said realizations including …. “holy crap that’s me!”. Of course I then whipped out my old pal denial which made me feel so much better. Writing this is slapping myself in the face with the wet rag of reality. My mind can be a dangerous place to be. Also while denial can be a useful tool at times, at others it has led me to ruin and a buttload of pain. The overall implication of all of this is that I need help. There is a part of me which continues to fight this truth. The thoughts of “it would be so much easier to just end this” scare the crap out of me. This is good. All of this is part of being a human being. Oh boy, am I a human being. What continues to save me is the love, care and support of all of my friends and family. I must keep repeating this because of how quickly I forget it. This is the power of repetition. This is the power of perseverance. This blog/journal is my weekly shot of hope. The power of writing at least something every week continues to be one of the positive guiding forces in my life. Still more doctors etc. I can officially say I have had more needles stuck in me than there are cars on I-285 during rush hour. And the old saying is true. Once a social worker, always a social worker. Volunteering to assist other cancer patients and it feels so good. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 1/22/17

Sometimes the hardest part of life is simply breathing in and out, putting one foot in front of the other and to be at peace between your ears. Yesterday I was reminded, once again, that I am not alone. There is so much love in the world and it was good to see. And the old saying is true. Once a social worker, always a social worker. Volunteering to assist other cancer patients and it feels so good. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 1/13/17

The past few weeks have been about surrender. I have surrendered (and am possibly still surrendering) to one of my basic truths. Said truth being: I cannot wrestle with “God” and win. Said “God” being the God of my understanding which, to my limited understanding and by my personal belief system, being defined as the “Powers That Be” - “the Great Mystery” - “Star Stuff” - and the great fact of my own personal encounters with events which I can only describe as spiritual in their very nature. Further, these events are things I cannot deny. They are part of my truth. Also have come to believe (again) that I cannot continue on my journey without spiritual support and guidance. Said guidance primarily being me getting out of my own way, shutting up and following directions and having faith in the fact I do not know what is going to happen. Now it is living with the after effects of my journey with cancer. Surrendering to the fact that cancer will forever be a part of my life and I had better quit “wishing” and start “living” the life I have been re-gifted. As such is the case I must continue to write about my journey, show up for life to the best of my ability and be realistic by practicing humility by asking for the help I need. To lighten the mood here I can tell you that Depends (the adult diapers) are not cheap and if I had a dollar for every load of clothes I am now having to wash I would be able to shut down my gofundme page. Visits to the doctors/labs continue with mostly good news being the norm at this time. Please know that I am very very happy about this. And the old saying is true. Once a social worker, always a social worker. Volunteering to assist other cancer patients and it feels so good. As the holidays are here, I ask all who would like to give to please donate as one of my greatest needs is to continue to be able to pay my bills. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 1/6/17

What can I say. Washing a lot of laundry and am doing my best to keep living the dream. More doctors/labs and my journey continues. I am tired but I am determined to keep living the best life I can. My love to you all. And the old saying is true. Once a social worker, always a social worker. Volunteering to assist other cancer patients and it feels so good. As the holidays are here, I ask all who would like to give to please donate as one of my greatest needs is to continue to be able to pay my bills. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek