Weekend Update - 3/25/16

I am still astounded at the great results of my last body scans. I am cancer free from the chest down! Just a some thyroid cancer left. This past week has been a week of living like I am going to be here awhile. The reality of the existence of those things I have felt free to ignore over the past months has hit me like a ton of bricks. A few of those things are the probable need for a new water heater and some major appliances and to fix some other things in the house that need to be fixed. I have to admit there was a great deal of freedom in being completely screwed health wise. I did not have to worry about these things. Please note that it takes me awhile to process life at times. This has also demonstrated to me that “my denial” is always looking over my shoulder. I can no longer remotely justify to myself not eating healthy, exercising and just doing the next right thing in taking care of my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual being. One of the side effects of behaving this way is that I do feel and look (according to a few friends) better. I am also grateful spring has sprung. Seasonal affective disorder is another bump in my road of life. A couple of people who have known me over the years have both pointed out to me the change in my “mood”. I have been told that if I could, I would almost be bouncing off the walls. I will say I do feel much more energetic. All this just in time to go back to the hospital this coming week for, what I refer to as, “COLON BLOW II”. The medical term is flexible sigmoidoscopy. The doctor will also be cauterizing the remaining radiation damage done to my colon as a result of the cancer treatment. Hopefully no more blood in stool and I will be able to “go to the bathroom’ in an almost normal fashion. I do dare to dream. I do not look forward to the recovery process from this as the last time it took about three weeks to even begin to not have to be within one minute, or less, of a toilet. But I do remember I am cancer free from the neck down! I do return to see my other doctors this coming month and hope everything will, at the very least, be OK. More will be revealed……….. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 3/18/16

Sometimes life just goes on. Sometimes life goes on whether I want it to or not. Sometimes it takes a great deal of perseverance just to make it through a day. The question of “why” rings in my head and I am not even sure of why “why”. I am tired and do need to stop and look for and smell some damn roses. I am very frustrated with my body and the limits I am having to adhere to. I am frustrated at being “responsible” and “doing the next right thing”. Of course I do deeply realize that to not be “responsible” and to not “do the next right thing” would be catastrophic to my physical, mental, and spiritual self as well as being economically suicidal. In short, this week sometimes I have felt like a nut and sometimes I have not. And at this time, before I say something completely wacked, It is time for me to end this week’s musings. This has been a very “being a human being” week for me. So, …. I will keep breathing in and out and continue to do my best to show up for and be the best human being I can be for the people in my life. I am once again well aware of just how fortunate I am to have the human beings I have in my life. The bills keep coming …. and I keep laughing to keep from crying. And it will be back to the hospital I go in a little over a week. Emory keeps a light on for me. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 3/11/16

This is one of those weeks where things are OK and I am sick. Please note this is the first time I have gotten sick (flu/allergies/bad cold) since my major cancer surgery in November of 2014. I figure I was way overdue to be “sick” given how many times I have been to the hospital and doctors in this time period. As the great results of my last scans sink into my brain I once again am confronting … me. I found out I still had a few reservations about “how things might turn out. As a consequence I was not doing my best but doing “enough’ until the other shoe dropped. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. Well the “other shoe” has not dropped and quite a few reservations have been cancelled. I am learning more and more each day about me. To quote…”Knowledge Is Good”. Good for me in the sense that I now find myself taking better care of me and doing this in the context of the “long term”. I ain’t going anywheres just yet. Quite a few brain cells appear to have woken up. I am finding it hard to concentrate and make any sense to myself at this time so this missive will be very very short. Like ending now….short. Hope to be back on track next week. I do have my flexible sigmoidoscopy ti look forward to in the coming weeks. Happy happy joy joy. A note for the men out there …….. please please please go get your prostate checked out. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek And read my blog at: riksjourney.blogspot.com

Weekend Update - 3/4/16

To get this party started I am going to start out with some very good news. The preliminary scan results are all negative … no evidence of disease. All of my blood tests were also very positive, indicating no problems/issues at this time. So, cancer wise, at this time, aside from my thyroid, everything is looking good and I feel, well, fine. Now that was a sentence was a sentence. I am due for ongoing tests/scans as time passes and the treatment of my radiation proctitis will continue, especially later this month when I go in for my flexible sigmoidoscopy. I will still have to do the same prep work you have to do for a colonoscopy. And there was much rejoicing ….… not. Everything else continues on and I am doing my best to do my part to stay here on planet earth as long as possible. As some of you know it takes me awhile to “process” news regarding me. So I am sure in the coming week I will be feeling many more happy happy feelings. I must also say I did enjoy my two week vacation from the doctors and hospitals. Going back was different in that I became even more conscious of having medical conditions which require ongoing treatments. It was very pleasant to not be reminded of some my medical issues for a little while. A note for the men out there …….. please go get your prostate checked out. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. A big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story.