Weekend Update - 03/31/2017

All of my medical stuff continues with stability being the operative word. This is very very good indeed. And now to the real news of note… After much (and I do mean a hell of a lot) due diligence in regards to my ongoing financial situation… more has been revealed. And revealed really ^%$***$# fast. Please know that I am still processing the events of the past couple of weeks so I apologize if the following is a little disjointed. Without the generosity of all of you who have shared your experience, strength, hope, time, and resources with me over the past three plus years I would not have been able to remain financially viable. By that I mean I would have lost my home, car, still have substantial debt, and pretty much been left without a pot to piss in. But because of your generous gifts I have been able to survive and remain in my home of the past eighteen years until about now. Very fortunately I have just been able to sell my home and in the coming weeks use those proceeds to pay off almost all of my debt. While there is still some medical debt left, I will now be able to support myself independently. While I am sad to have to give up my home of eighteen years I am so very grateful to be able to at least move on to a different home (apartment) where I can be financially secure and not have to live in a state of financial panic the last two weeks of every month. Another big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts have been greatly appreciated. I am now moving on to a new chapter in my life and plan to continue writing this blog. As a good friend once said…there is nothing like a good emotional douche and corresponding mental floss. This is especially true when these are performed on at least a weekly basis. My cancer journey does continue. My intention is to continue to share this journey with you for my own mental, spiritual, and physical health and in the hope, that in some small way, it may let someone out there know that they are not alone, unique, doomed, or a lost soul. Also to share with you all a few lessons I have and continue to learn on my cancer journey. Some of the most important ones being that (1) my greatest strength is to set my pride aside and ask for the help I need when I need it, and (2) to share honestly with others the feelings I experience as my journey progresses, and (3) as a human being I do not live my life gracefully but I live it with the tremendous amount of grace bestowed upon me. This past several weeks have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I do not know what is going to happen. Of course being a human being I will forget all of this given half a chance and/or enough time. My answer to this is to persevere on my continuing cancer journey. Once again I say thank you even though this feels so inadequate. Much love to you all and thank you again for the love you have shared with me over these past three plus years. NOTE: My gofundme page can now be ended and it is indeed now closed. My goal has been met. My goal was not met the way I planned but has been successfully met the way the “powers that be” intended. I am a very humbled human being. This is good. For the big picture please read my blog from the beginning. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. riksjourney.blogspot.com

Weekend Update - 03/25/2017

Good news. All of my blood work looks good and now only seeing doctors only every four months! In other news….life goes on and more will be revealed. Change is a coming and I know I will be OK thanks to all of you. News of note: I love those “Depends”. A great thank you for the patience of my friends and family as this process continues. I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to be so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. For the big picture please read my blog from the beginning. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 03/17/2017

I can say one thing for certain. Surviving terminal cancer has forever changed my perspective on life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This journey began about four years ago and really picked up steam in the spring of 2014. My ability to confront and survive the changes in my life which have occurred as a direct result of my cancer diagnosis continues to leave me almost speechless at times. (I did say almost…) I do know I do not deal with change gracefully. I been able to survive and thrive the changes in my life thus far due only to the support of my friends and family. My mantras this week are “I am not an island” - “I am not alone” - I do not know what is going to happen” - “I cannot foretell the future”. If you notice a degree of repetition here it is due to the fact that I am stubborn, clueless, and bullheaded at times. This has proven to be true especially when I am stressed…as is the case now. Particularly over the past six months or so I have attempted to go down several different paths regarding my future. Some of these would lead to my sure self-destruction and cause me, and more importantly those who are close to me, a horrendous amount of pain. Other paths …. well I do not “know” where they will lead but for sure I will be present and accounted for at the ends of them. In my recent endeavors all sane pathways have led to where I am now and the resultant actions I must now take. I am reminded - again - that I do not do life gracefully but do live life like a full fledged member of humanity. That is to say …… I live life with an incredible amount of grace and just pure dumb luck. Two of my greatest strengths are to be able to ask for help and follow directions. I do neither gracefully. My thoughts for the week is this: Every time history repeats itself, the price goes up. My simple goal is not to have lessons be repeated in my life. I do see my endocrinologist this coming week but as everything else looks good there should be no news of note. I continue to be so vey grateful for Depends. A great thank you for the patience of my friends and family as this process continues. I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to be so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. For the big picture please read my blog from the beginning. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 03/10/2017

Good news on the medical front. Blood work is good and fewer doctor appointments in my future. My thyroid meds are still being adjusted and I continue to ever so grateful for whoever invented “Depends” -those adult diapers. However, other events continue to happen.The main events being the maintenance and routine upkeep of my home. My home needs some “not” routine maintenance and upkeep. Adding those bills to the party and it’s turning into Mardi Gras. Well, it is Lent after all. I am really trying to not be overwhelmed by all of this. Change is in the air and I am not a big fan of change. My question of the week is what are the most mature and responsible actions I can take to resolve the issues facing me. My actions of the week, and coming weeks, are to be as mature and responsible in all of the actions I take. Some of those actions will be to be both quiet, patient and inert. Then, above all, to attempt to be pro-active rather than reactive in any actions I may take. And on a lighter note…..which may make no sense…..I am “social working” myself. Well, it makes sense in my brain. A great thank you for the patience of my friends and family as this process continues. I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to be so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. For the big picture please read my blog from the beginning. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 03/03/2017

My mind is a swirling nexus of thoughts, contradictions, possibilities and visions of my future. I look into the mirror and see smoke coming out of my ears. I am so damned self-obsessed right now. So what follows in this posting is some much needed mental floss. Surrender is such a process. It goes on even when you are completely oblivious to it. The unknown can be a scary thing especially when your own fears, doubts and paranoia are added to the mix. I am doing my best to be as mature and responsible as I can be. One step at a time. Trusting the process. Even going to the park and sitting in a quiet secluded place and reflecting on the meaning of my life as well as life itself. I do not like change for it has uncertain outcomes. However my circumstances dictate that change I must. Even the possibility of letting go of things (or anything for that matter) is terrifying to me at times (like right now). 
 I am trying very hard to look at my life and remember that somehow I have survived. Also to remember all of the events, circumstances and downright insane occurrences I have lived through. I look at my life and I do accept that there has been an extraordinary amount of GRACE granted to me …… or just plain dumb luck. My spirit tells me I cannot discount the large amount of GRACE I have been gifted in my life. I do not know what the future holds but as I am still here I am hoping I will be OK no matter what. I am doing my best to hold onto what a very good friend recently shared with me. It just might be my time to thrive. Would not that be a hoot. FYI - Good blood work this week. And the old saying is true. Once a social worker, always a social worker. Volunteering to assist other cancer patients and it feels so good. I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to be so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. For the big picture please read my blog from the beginning. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek