Weekend Update - 12/31/16

Weekend Update - 12/31/16 Someone recently asked me what is meaningful to me. My answer is each and every one of you who have shared my journey. Thank you all for loving me and loving me when I was not able to love myself. I am very aware of just how fortunate I am to have the family and friends I have as part of my life. I am extremely grateful for the gifts I have received. Thank you. And the old saying is true. Once a social worker, always a social worker. Volunteering to assist other cancer patients and it feels so good. As the holidays are here, I ask all who would like to give to please donate as one of my greatest needs is to continue to be able to pay my bills. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 12/23/16

It is again that most wonderful time of the year. And in keeping with one of my new traditions … It is once again time for a homage to my journey with cancer and (in particular) for all the great gifts it has and continues to bestow upon me especially this past year. Last year at this time I was quite overwhelmed with the fact that I was still alive. This year I am so very grateful to be able to be still alive and able to write the following ….. a few items with tongue planted firmly in cheek and a few not so much. While there is some repetition please be reminded I hold all of these gifts in equal esteem. Oh the memories keep adding up. 1. A brand new urostomy for me. 2. No more testicles for me. 3. No more “urge incontinence” …. due to no bladder. 4. A prostate gland no more … where it all began. 5. 43 lymph nodes disappear and a couple in my neck are now gone too. 6. Radiation treatments and the everlasting radiation colitis. Really Nasty. 7. All of my thyroid gland now removed.*NOTE: Nothing strange growing inside me anymore! 8. My diagnoses of lymphedema, fecal incontinence, diabetes and the old pals of chronic pain, depression and mobility issues. Let’s get this party started! 9. My pal Crippling Debt is still here. New bills that no longer have “insurance pending” on them. 10. Still discovering whole new levels of friendship and family and finding out I am wanted, needed, expected and loved. *A special shout out to a friend who is showing me a level of strength that I could not have dreamed existed. 11. Experiencing even more new depths of the meaning of perseverance. 12. Still finding out my losses are the source of my greatest gains in how positive I can choose to view the world and the human beings in it. A much deeper perspective on my life. My thanks to the cancer support group. 13. Being grateful for what I have, acknowledging I have the ability to be a more positive force in the world and to be at peace with myself. 14. Finding out, again, that in the end it comes down to me and the choices I do and/or do not make. 15. I must rely on my faith, what I alone believe in, if I am going to make it through to the end of this journey and not attempt to write the end of my story myself. This week I am facing down my depression and am doing my best to plug into those support systems which will nourish me. Those who know me know I am not a big fan of change… but change I must. The most significant change is in facing down my belief system. Owning all of my belief system, acting accordingly and facing down one of my old demons by even more truly not caring what anyone else thinks. More will be revealed. I am very aware of just how fortunate I am to have the family and friends I have as part of my life. I am extremely grateful for the gifts I have received. Thank you. And the old saying is true. Once a social worker, always a social worker. Volunteering to assist other cancer patients and it feels so good. As the holidays are here, I ask all who would like to give to please donate as one of my greatest needs is to continue to be able to pay my bills. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 12/17/16

Sometimes you find yourself in the forrest and are overwhelmed. The longer you stay there the more overwhelmed you become. I am living with the results of having had cancer every day and the increased side effects of my cancer treatments are severely impacting my life at present. The negative thoughts in my head have increased over the past weeks which does scare me. This has been my story for the past weeks. The increased intensity of a few of my physical issues, the increased strain of my financial situation and the stress of attempting to navigate through these storms I find myself lost in the forest more often than not. First I need to thank those who listened, asked me questions and gave me subtle (and not so subtle) directions to ask for and go get some help. I was once again shown how much people do care, there are no “magic wands” to make situations and/or feelings disappear and ultimately it is up to me to take positive action to find my way out of the forest. The past week I have had a few days of “positive action” and found that it really does help. Surprise surprise surprise.…asking for help, sharing what I am feeling and where I am mentally, physically and spiritually and then listening for the answers and accepting that I could not see and/or did not know much, if any, of this stuff really does work. I really should still not be surprised at how much and what I forget when the depression hits and I feel completely overwhelmed. The first, and least obvious to me, is that I am still the last one to see any of this happening. My denial is strong ….. not necessarily a good thing. The second is that sometimes I have very legitimate reasons to feel overwhelmed and lost in the forest. I am eternally grateful to the folks who recently reminded me of this. Life is like that at times. So my ongoing mission continues to be to listen to and share what is going on with me with family and friends, go to those places where I can get spiritually fed, allow myself to feel and to be where I am and to try to have as much fun as I can along the way. And to do all of this acknowledging and accepting the reality of my “new normal” and to give thanks every day that I am still here to experience every precious moment of every precious day. I do this in honor of my father who passed on when I was 12 years old on December 19th and to honor all of my other ancestors. Some good news…………I no longer have to see the liver doctor! Other current events are I am still in the donut hole in regards to my medication costs and I am receiving more hospital/doctor bills outside of the normal doctor appointment/lab bills due to my last hospitalization and tests. Some of these are still reading “insurance pending”. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

SPECIAL HOLIDAY UPDATE - 12/14/16

Below you will read the story of a long-time friend of mine who is asking for help. He is a former social worker, retired due to disability resulting from a near-paralyzing collision many years ago (not his fault).  This is a legitimate request and a true story. I ask you to read, give what you can, and to share my friend’s story. Richard’s Story - Rik is a Medicare patient due to his disability status, not his age. Beginning in 2011, his PSA level began to creep up until it reached a 10, at which point his primary care physician referred him to a urologist. He also had various urinary problems, all of which are common problems for older men. His PSA count continued to climb and he was diagnosed with BPH (benign prostate hypoxia -- enlarged prostate) and a bladder infection. However, his symptoms slowly became more of an issue and his PSA level went to the high teens, then the 20’s, 30’s and up into the high 60’s. He also had, over about three years, three biopsies of the prostate.  Each one showed nothing new - still BPH and a recurrent bladder infection.  NOTE: The doctor who was treating Rik “left” that practice very suddenly and a nurse called to tell him that his new doctor (the head doctor at this practice) would now be taking over his treatment.  The nurse said "Oh, my!  Your PSA level is really high and we need you to come in ASAP to see the doctor."  Rik came in a few days later.  The new doctor said that yet another biopsy was needed, and he performed it right away.  This one came back positive for cancer in August of 2014.   Rik also had an MRI at this time, which showed cancer in the surrounding lymph nodes.His PSA at the time was at least in the 80’s. He had two bone scans, which were negative, and then a followup “targeted” needle biopsy which showed positive for cancer. The outlook was not good and he was told that the prognosis was terminal and there was nothing to be done.  This doctor's only treatment options were hormone suppression and targeted radiation and radiation seeds. At his last visit to this practice, however, Rik was only able to meet with a Physician's Assistant, who encouraged him to begin the hormone suppression therapy and told him there was really no need for him to  try anything else or seek a second opinion. The doctor did not see him and would not even look at Rik,  even though Rik could see him sitting in the office area. This doctor spent very little time with Rik during his visits and “avoided him like the plague”.  After this, Rik followed the strong advice of friends with connections to the Winship Cancer Center at Emory University Hospital and went there for a second opinion. In Rik's words, he finally found (at Winship) "a doctor who actually cares about his patients and in this case the patient was me."  A PET scan showed the cancer had progressed beyond the prostate and surrounding lymph nodes and had progressed well into the bladder. Further tests revealed an unrelated thyroid cancer.  Because the doctors at Emory/Winship persuaded him that he had a life worth saving and his surgeon stated to Rik that he did “not believe in no win scenarios”, Rik underwent the following operations and treatment: - November 2014:  The initial operation removed his prostate, bladder, 43 lymph nodes, and remaining testicle.  This procedure resulted in his receiving a urostomy and having to recover at home for the next 3 months, with the help of friends. Until recently there was little family support and his close circle of friends in Atlanta have been his lifeline throughout his illness. - February 2015:  February marked the beginning of seven and one half weeks of daily (M-F) radiation treatments, which lasted through March.   - May 2015:  Post-radiation, he underwent a thyroidectomy, which resulted in the removal of more than 65% of his thyroid. June 2015:  Biopsy of  remaining thyroid, which produced five samples.  Four of the samples were inconclusive for cancer and one was negative. Later that month, physicians stated that the thyroid cancer was in remission but would have to be monitored.  January 2016: Colonoscopy revealed colon damage due to radiation treatments and the resultant diagnosis of radiation proctitis. March 2016: Flexible Sigmoidoscopy to treat the remaining lesions in the bowel they did not get during the previous colonoscopy. September 2016: Completion Thyroidectomy and Parathyroid Autograft. Tests over the previous months revealed significant growth of the nodules in the remaining thyroid gland. In the months following his radiation treatments, Rik has been diagnosed with diabetes, hepatitis C, radiation proctitis and is suffering the other resultant physical “problems” related to his cancer treatment and the illnesses. All of these have further increased his medical costs and severely impacted his life. HOW YOU CAN HELP While Rik is lucky and all of us are grateful that he is alive, his struggle to survive cancer has come at a considerable financial cost and he needs your help. He is a 63-year-old disabled/retired social worker living on a fixed income and was unprepared to absorb the breadth and depth of medical costs associated with the procedures, treatments, and ongoing examinations to ensure he remains in remission.   Before these events started, he was able to perform some “odd jobs” at times to bring in minimal extra funds. The “odd jobs” consisting of helping people clean their houses, going to the store/shopping for and with people who needed assistance, and going with people to their doctor’s appointments. Once a social worker always a social worker. Due to the physical toll of my operations, treatments for the cancer and other health issues, he is no longer able to continue performing any “odd jobs” to bring in extra funds. Please be aware that with his fixed income, he would be able to meet normal bills and remain in his home. He cannot, however, handle this crippling medical bills on his fixed income.  Medicare only pays 80% of the medical costs that it covers.  That 20% of bills like Rik's is a crippling amount for someone who has no way to supplement his income. You can make a huge difference in this one life. Your kind and deeply appreciated donation(s) can help a wonderful person remain in his home, pay down medical/other bills, and reduce the added stress of financial fears piled on top of dealing with severe medical problems for a fellow human being.  Achieving his fund raising goal would allow him to pay off enough of his bills and remain in his home. (Although I would like to see him raise a little more so that there is a cushion against future medical bills.)      I know this has been long reading, but thank you for sticking it out to the end.  Please consider doing whatever you can for Richard T. Hill Jr. In closing, I ask all of you to help my friend to keep his home.  To donate please go to:     www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 12/9/16

How best to honor all who have and continue to walk with me on my cancer journey? I will honestly write about my thoughts and feelings even though I am terrified by doing so because a part of me believes people do not want to hear my current reality but only want to hear how “positive and uplifting” my battle with cancer and it’s aftereffects have been. My reality is I still live with cancer every damn day. Two of my daily reminders are my urostomy and the fecal incontinence. So here goes…and writing I now am… I breath in and out, put one foot in front of the other, act as mature and responsible as I can in all of my actions (physical, mental, spiritual, financial) and (especially in times like these) I “act as if” everything will work out OK. These are the times I am fighting the negative voices in my head, am fighting to get out of bed each day, am fighting to take proper physical care of myself, am fighting to make positive decisions in all areas of my life, and above all I am fighting to not write the end of my story. These are times where I need to be reminded that I do not “know” what is going to happen any more than I “know” the winning lottery numbers. I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually constipated. On top of that I know I am financially constipated which does not help at all. I do know that my “cancer journey” is not a singular event with a definitive beginning, middle and end. Well my cancer journey does indeed have an end. The same “end” we all share in the end…death. However, I will not be dying anytime soon. Although when my life did have an expiration date my life appeared to be a lot simpler. As is more apparent to me now …. I am depressed and after talking with a couple of friends it is now time for me to once again seek some professional help. I am still surprised at how blind I can be to what is going on with me. I am a very lucky guy to have friends who really let me know when I am running off the rails. In the midst of all of this another doctor visit this week and my liver blood work should be done next week. This hopefully will be a bright spot on this journey. I must add that my trips to my doctor and to the hospital to pick up a friend gave me some perspective I needed. More importantly it was very good to actually be able to help someone who has been there for me. In closing I am once again reminding myself of how best I can honor all of you who have walked with and supported me on this journey. And the answer is … follow directions, check my pride and ego at the door and continue to talk talk talk and write write write. Writing this has been a good emotional douche. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 12/2/16

This is one of those weeks where I feel like I have stepped off a cliff and am falling. The only thing I am waiting for is the impact. At least I will not have to feel anything then. The impacts of my physical issues and what I need to do to cope with them has been a little overwhelming this week. To quote, “sometimes it just be that way”. Yes, sometimes it is but it still sucks. I am trying to find something powerful and positive to say, think or feel. Maybe it’s the holidays. For many many years this has not been “that most wonderful time of the year”. As I write this I am coming to believe I might just be a little bit depressed. Yep….. I am a little bit depressed. Before I go down this particular road any father I need to stop here. It is again time for me to focus on breathing in and out, putting one foot in front of the other and to do the next right thing. Also, time for me not to make any decisions and talk talk talk to friends and family so I can get a perspective on life other than the one currently rattling around in my head. My extreme thanks to all of those who have and/or continue to provide me with healthy doses of mental floss. I see the liver doctor next week and this should be an “everything’s OK see you later” visit. And back to my fiscal reality…I am afraid…the bills are coming in now and all I can do is laugh and ask for help. The most mature and responsible thing I can do right now is to continue to check my pride and ego and continue to ask for the help I need. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to become much more of a humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek