Update - 9/30/15

This is a time when my journey consist of putting one foot in front of the other, continuing to breath in and out and to continue to do my best just to do take the next right action. The impact on my life as a result of my “health issues” over the past year is becoming more clear. 

Being previously disabled (before cancer, etc) I had learned to “work around” and/or do my best to ignore the limits imposed by my physical condition on my day to day life. I came to accept these limitations and act accordingly …. for the most part. 

Now I am facing new limitations on my day to day life and learning what these limitations are as well as what they may be in the future. The impact of this new reality for me is most sobering. I am deeply reflecting on the loss of activities I am no longer to participate in. I am sad. I am also determined to, once again, “work around” these new limitations and to do my best to show up for life as much as I am able.

Part of this journey is looking at my life and becoming more aware of the regrets I have. I will share this much. I regret not being brave enough to trust my family or friends with who I was as I was growing up. I was terrified of being rejected and being alone. There is a part of me which is aware that “I did the best I could with what I had” and “hindsight is 20/20”. 

I can accept how truly clueless I was and the pain and sadness I created for those in my life. I am truly sorry for this.

Please note: I am also quite aware of just how clueless I still am. There is a great peace with knowing you do not know and are just along for the ride. My plans are to work hard so have a great end to this ride.

I am still waiting to hear regarding the Hep C treatment. I have been approved but am waiting on whether or not I will receive financial assistance for this. I was told my co-pay for the drug would be $3500.00. More will be revealed about this …. hopefully soon.

Living with diabetes is an added expense and inconvenient but has been a blessing in regards to my diet. I am still amazed at how much crap I was eating while I thought I was eating “healthy”.

I was also reminded that while I do have my problems there are others out there who are in far worse shape than I am. My visit to the hospital today reminded me, once again, of this fact. Perspective…. is good.

I do believe this update is long enough. 

My continued thanks to all who are walking with me. Your gifts of time and resources are much needed and appreciated. 

The financial reality is also once again asking for everyones continued support so please read and share my story.

Update - 9/20/15

Once again I am at the crossroads of whether or not I should be honest about where I am emotionally, physically and spiritually. The reason being is my concern “what other people think” and how they react (or don’t) when my news is not all “good cheer”. As a result, I must share the following. 

I am not looking for “magic words of wisdom”. I do believe there are times when there are none to be had. The best gift is one of time spent with a good ear and the peace that comes with quiet. Add to that good  discussions with and about others lives. A great way to help me look around and be in touch with the rest of the world and not be so self-obsessed. This perspective is worth its’ weight in gold. My sincere thanks to  those who continue to share their trials and tribulations with me.

Emotionally there are times when I feel like a “nut” and times when I don’t. Through all of these hills (mountains at times) and valleys there has been that part of me that knows I will be “OK”. I also know that for me there was a greater peace when my prognosis was terminal. I had a definite plan of action and my worries became almost nonexistent. 

Now that I am in remission (except for the questionable bit of my thyroid gland left) and doing much better, in spite of the new illnesses (diabetes and hepatitis C), my continued survival has brought with it very legitimate concerns as to how I am going to pay my bills and be able to hold onto my home of the past 15 years. Of course living as a cancer “survivor” comes with its’ own set of concerns and emotions. 

Physically I am now being reminded why I was already disabled when my journey with cancer began. Chronic pain is now back on the menu, not that it ever left. And, to be polite, going to the bathroom will never be the same again. Enough said about that.

Spiritually… I am now writing about the times when I have come face to face with life and death. I will share this part of my story when it is done. I am finding this is difficult to write about but I am finding this very necessary to do at this time. As I have shared with many others ….. better out than in. I also believe this will be of service to someone out there, just as the writings of others have been of service to me.

My continued thanks to all who are walking with me. Your gifts of time and resources are much needed and appreciated. 

The financial reality is also once again asking for everyones continued support so please read and share my story.

Update - 9/11/15

Another week of doctor appointments and an MRI of my abdomen and pelvis. Good news on the liver scan as there is no evidence of cirrhosis. The doctor is asking for approval for treatment which will begin as soon as said approval is granted….hopefully.  

My blood sugar levels continue to improve and I must note that I never thought I would eat this healthy in my life. There is still much for me to learn about living with diabetes. Also found out it is type 2 diabetes. My thanks to those who have shared their experience, strength and hope regarding “living with diabetes”. This is very much appreciated.  

The doctor also has started me on thyroid medication as this will help inhibit the growth of the thyroid cancer. My voice continues to sound like Harry Belafonte. I declined, at this time, going to an ear/nose/throat doctor to further evaluate the condition of my throat/voice changes due to the thyroid surgery. I am seeing enough doctors for now.

As to how I am doing….. I am OK. My energy levels continue to improve and I must say exercise is good. I am able to walk without falling down as my stability has greatly improved. Humor is good and I am grateful to be able to laugh at life and some of the people in it (including myself).

My continued thanks to all who are walking with me. Your gifts of time and resources are much needed and appreciated. 

The financial reality is also once again asking for everyones continued support so please read and share my story.

Weekend update - 9/5/15

The journey continues and what a rollercoaster ride it has been. A very positive week overall. 

I have my next scan on this coming Wednesday. Hopefully this will be the last one for a while. No news would be excellent news for me. 

All other medical conditions are coming under control. It is possible to lead an almost sugar free life. More will be revealed as to the treatment I will receive for the hepatitis C. I do have the most prevalent type which works out best for me.

I am keeping this short and please wish me luck and as someone reminded me… prayer never hurt anyone.

On this note, I end this update. 

I ask everyone to please share this. Hopefully it will be of service to someone out there.