Weekend Update 10/28/16

This has been a week of wrestling with my demons. So far I am up 4-2. In other words, I am a bit of a mess. The subject for this weeks edition is hope. Please note that this will also include some bits from the deep cleaning of the inner recesses of my mind. There have been few rainbows and puppies …so reader beware. Hope can be a wonderful thing. Hope has allowed me to feel feelings that I, for whatever reasons, have been unable and/or unwilling to allow myself to feel and, in addition, has been a real denial buster. Sometimes I feel like a nut and sometimes I don’t. This past week has become more nutty for me. My ongoing financial status is the one thing I can point to which has brought me face to face with my life as I know it. Long story short … nothing has changed other than my perception. The reason for this is the ongoing evolution of my understanding that I will indeed be on the planet for the foreseeable future. As such I must act accordingly which means that I must act in the most mature and responsible way I can. This has meant a lot of sitting on my hands and doing nothing. For me this is a very sane and healthy action for me to take. This week continues to be a rollercoaster. At times I feel so grateful I cry a little bit. At other times I have felt so hopeless and depressed that those dark thoughts return and I cry a little bit. Please know that I am holding on tight as this has been and continues to be one bumpy ride. Writing about this week is some of the best mental floss I have ever had. I will give myself some pats on the back for this. In closing I am going to add the following………… May the Bank of America forever burn in the eternal hell fires of damnation. My love and thanks to those people I am so blessed to have in my life. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update 10/21/16

Please note that one month from now is the two year anniversary of my big cancer surgery. I consider this another birthday….and I am so looking forward to it. I believe a good reality is finally begging to settle in for me. Said reality being I will be here for quite a few years yet. NED —No Evidence of Disease. I am now even a happier human being than I was last week. This is fundamentally changing my perception of life as I have come to know it. Being able to allow myself to see my future beyond six months is quite an adjustment, especially when I was not aware my perception of my life was so limited. I am finding I have so many more feelings about the future and my quality of life. I am becoming more aware of the changes in my body as a result of the cancer and the treatments I have undergone. I am now (since the November 2014 big cancer surgery) a eunuch because my testicles, as well as other bits and pieces, were removed. As a result, there are a lot of “feelings/emotions” which I no longer have. While this has freed up a lot of time, I am finally beginning to grieve the loss of the bodily functions associated with this loss. At times the feelings of loneliness and realizing I have many years yet to live “with me” become pretty intense. My relationship with my urostomy is also undergoing a change. The change here is my deeper realization that my urostomy is something I will be dealing with the rest of my life. I am becoming even more aware of the limitations and issues I must deal with in regards to this as life goes on. The additional changes, which will come as I age due to the impact of my other physical/medical challenges (diabetes/lymphedema/mobility issues/depression) and the reality of “once your a cancer patient…”, I view fundamentally differently than I did a month ago. I also realize that these changes are not static and will continue to further evolve over time…time I now have and which will go a lot further into the future than six months. As I stated earlier, I am a happier human being today than I was a couple of weeks ago. I am looking forward to the challenges ahead and am greatly comforted by the fact that I will not be alone as I confront them. I also encourage all of you to take great care of yourselves so you can stay the hell out of hospital because, I believe, you do not want to receive the bill (5 figures) I just got in the mail last week. Please note that this is only the first one of many connected to my latest hospital stay. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek

Weekend Update - 10/14/16

I saw my surgeon yesterday at my followup appointment and everything is absolutely fabulous. Everything was benign as well as removed from my body. No more “things” growing in my body and no more surgeries for, hopefully, ever. More doctor visits to come but these are all routine upkeep visits. I am still wrapping my mind around the fact I have come to this part of my journey. There are challenges ahead and the fatigue continues but this should work itself out over the next couple of months as my medications are adjusted. I continue to make myself get up and go outside, and along with eating right, these are the best therapies I feel I can do for me. I must add that one of the other great therapies for me is talking about what is going on with me and … wait for it … how I am feeling. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Seriously, I am so grateful for all of you who have, and continue to, listen to me as I babble on. I have said this before and must say it again…I would not be here without you. On another note, the bills (or initial statements), have begun to arrive. All I can do is smile and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I also encourage all of you to take great care of yourselves so you can stay the hell out of hospital because, I believe, you do not want to receive the bill (5 figures) I just got in the mail. Please note that this is only the first one of many connected to my latest hospital stay. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek And read my blog at: riksjourney.blogspot.com

Weekend Update - 10/7/17

This week has been good. My recovery from the surgery is going well. I will see my surgeon this coming Thursday. I also have found out that I can add lymphedema to my medical resume. I am sure more will be revealed about what this will mean for me. I am finding out once again what fatigue is. It was mentioned by the medical staff that I might experience some degree of fatigue following this surgery. Well, I am. I am fighting to get out of bed, be responsible and to keep moving during the day. If I sit down I find myself nodding out. I am fighting this and am making myself “get up and go”. I still find myself extremely tired at times. I am looking forward to seeing the doctors (surgeon, oncologist, endocrinologist and hepatologist) over the coming weeks. I do believe good news will continue to come. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek