Weekend Update 10/21/16

Please note that one month from now is the two year anniversary of my big cancer surgery. I consider this another birthday….and I am so looking forward to it. I believe a good reality is finally begging to settle in for me. Said reality being I will be here for quite a few years yet. NED —No Evidence of Disease. I am now even a happier human being than I was last week. This is fundamentally changing my perception of life as I have come to know it. Being able to allow myself to see my future beyond six months is quite an adjustment, especially when I was not aware my perception of my life was so limited. I am finding I have so many more feelings about the future and my quality of life. I am becoming more aware of the changes in my body as a result of the cancer and the treatments I have undergone. I am now (since the November 2014 big cancer surgery) a eunuch because my testicles, as well as other bits and pieces, were removed. As a result, there are a lot of “feelings/emotions” which I no longer have. While this has freed up a lot of time, I am finally beginning to grieve the loss of the bodily functions associated with this loss. At times the feelings of loneliness and realizing I have many years yet to live “with me” become pretty intense. My relationship with my urostomy is also undergoing a change. The change here is my deeper realization that my urostomy is something I will be dealing with the rest of my life. I am becoming even more aware of the limitations and issues I must deal with in regards to this as life goes on. The additional changes, which will come as I age due to the impact of my other physical/medical challenges (diabetes/lymphedema/mobility issues/depression) and the reality of “once your a cancer patient…”, I view fundamentally differently than I did a month ago. I also realize that these changes are not static and will continue to further evolve over time…time I now have and which will go a lot further into the future than six months. As I stated earlier, I am a happier human being today than I was a couple of weeks ago. I am looking forward to the challenges ahead and am greatly comforted by the fact that I will not be alone as I confront them. I also encourage all of you to take great care of yourselves so you can stay the hell out of hospital because, I believe, you do not want to receive the bill (5 figures) I just got in the mail last week. Please note that this is only the first one of many connected to my latest hospital stay. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for assistance. This continues to be a very humbling experience. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek