Weekend Update - 12/17/16

Sometimes you find yourself in the forrest and are overwhelmed. The longer you stay there the more overwhelmed you become. I am living with the results of having had cancer every day and the increased side effects of my cancer treatments are severely impacting my life at present. The negative thoughts in my head have increased over the past weeks which does scare me. This has been my story for the past weeks. The increased intensity of a few of my physical issues, the increased strain of my financial situation and the stress of attempting to navigate through these storms I find myself lost in the forest more often than not. First I need to thank those who listened, asked me questions and gave me subtle (and not so subtle) directions to ask for and go get some help. I was once again shown how much people do care, there are no “magic wands” to make situations and/or feelings disappear and ultimately it is up to me to take positive action to find my way out of the forest. The past week I have had a few days of “positive action” and found that it really does help. Surprise surprise surprise.…asking for help, sharing what I am feeling and where I am mentally, physically and spiritually and then listening for the answers and accepting that I could not see and/or did not know much, if any, of this stuff really does work. I really should still not be surprised at how much and what I forget when the depression hits and I feel completely overwhelmed. The first, and least obvious to me, is that I am still the last one to see any of this happening. My denial is strong ….. not necessarily a good thing. The second is that sometimes I have very legitimate reasons to feel overwhelmed and lost in the forest. I am eternally grateful to the folks who recently reminded me of this. Life is like that at times. So my ongoing mission continues to be to listen to and share what is going on with me with family and friends, go to those places where I can get spiritually fed, allow myself to feel and to be where I am and to try to have as much fun as I can along the way. And to do all of this acknowledging and accepting the reality of my “new normal” and to give thanks every day that I am still here to experience every precious moment of every precious day. I do this in honor of my father who passed on when I was 12 years old on December 19th and to honor all of my other ancestors. Some good news…………I no longer have to see the liver doctor! Other current events are I am still in the donut hole in regards to my medication costs and I am receiving more hospital/doctor bills outside of the normal doctor appointment/lab bills due to my last hospitalization and tests. Some of these are still reading “insurance pending”. Due to my latest surgery and resultant trips to the doctors/labs things are stretched more than ever at this time so I am asking all to please share my story once again emphasizing that no amount is too small and that $10.00 - $20.00 is better than $0 dollars. I so look forward to the day when I do not need to ask for financial assistance. This continues to become so much more of a humbling experience. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have and continue to share their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and still needed. ***Please note that the 12/14/16 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek