Weekend Update - 5/20/16

News of note this week…… I am not a doctor nor should I attempt to play one. My rollercoaster week ending today is below………. I saw my primary care doctor earlier this week and she quietly suggested that I might want to pump my brakes a little bit about what course of action to take regarding my thyroid gland. I, of course, had decided that “nothing needs to be done at this time” based on my infinite medical knowledge. I also based this decision on the fact that I am tired. I am tired of having my world revolve around my medical issues. These last couple of years have been nothing but various tests/scans, operations and doctor/nurse visits. As I look back at this past week I can see I got a little ahead of myself once again. I actually began to feel really happy about what the future holds for me. Maybe a little too happy at times. I became very excited at the possible “end” of this chapter in my life. Said chapter being where my life revolved around doctor and hospital visits with the themes being “this (cancer) is not over yet” and/or due to “the cancer and/or the procedures/treatments for my disease we now need to do “this” to your body with the possible side effects which might indicate we now have to do “this” …. etc. etc. etc. etc. Add on the depression about all of this and I am tired and overwhelmed. I am tired and ashamed at having to ask for help. The overwhelming costs of these so far and the unknown costs of future visits/procedures in the pipeline …. well they are overwhelming and I am in need of a break. I am tired. The reality is that I will be responsible and I will take the most mature and responsible actions deemed necessary in consultation with my medical team. Through all of this I am doing my best to “act as if” things and me are going to be alright. I am extremely grateful for the gifts of time and resources I have received. There is no way I could have walked this journey on my own. And re-reading about my past week above … I believe I deserve the May 2016 “Mental Masturbation” award. Wow. Well OK then ….. and here I am today, Friday, May 20th. I talked to the doctor today and we reviewed my last thyroid ultrasound and (drumroll please) the recommendation is to check this out about a year from now. I am done, for now, with more upcoming “medical events”!!! I am free. I can say cancer can suck it! For the first time in two years my future does not include planning on time spent in hospital and/or recovering from some test/procedure or having to look forward to the medical bills associated with all of these things. I am free. Now I can begin to decide what to do with myself and my life. Of course there will be challenges ahead. But it is good to feel that the mountain I have been climbing has stopped rising. I am going to do my best to enjoy this. I thank you all for letting me know I am not alone and doing so in ways where even an old man like me has to admit I am wanted, needed, expected and loved. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing (and sickening) to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek And read my blog at: riksjourney.blogspot.com