Weekend Update - 4/29/16

I don’t know what to say about this past week. I can tell you it is good to have people who are patient with me when I am out of my mind and brave enough to tell me what I need to hear while standing by me in the midst of this current storm. Said storm being the almost utter exhaustion of “being sick” and the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that have threatened to overwhelm me. The reality of the past couple of years being ill, what I have survived and what I must now live with as a result have all reared up and “slapped me in the face” at a much deeper level. I am reminded once again that I am a human being. I am finding a deeper meaning for what it means to me to be a human being. As my Uncle said, “Your hardest job will be to be a human being”. My blinding flash of the obvious for the week has been that I am just like all the other human beings out there and I will have feelings whether I like it or not. I am now out of the dark places I have been in. I am grateful for being reminded that I am not alone and my life matters. Thank you for loving me through this … again. I can also state that therapy is good and as a former mental health clinician it has been another surrender to be “on the other side” again. Just when I think “I’ve got this” ……. it’s time to let go and just go along for the ride. I have received my marching orders. It is now time to breath in and out, follow directions and let go of the steering wheel. More good news this week from my oncologist. My blood levels are excellent almost all is looking good. I can say that radiation proctitis is no picnic. I do go for an ultrasound of my thyroid next week and the results of this will determine what happens next. More continues to be done regarding my thyroid levels and diabetes as my medications continue to be adjusted. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. It is still amazing (and sickening) to me how much all of my treatments are costing. A continuing big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek And read my blog at: riksjourney.blogspot.com