Weekend Update - 2/26/16

As I have been on “vacation” this week, I now find myself having to deal with some issues and feelings I “have been too busy to deal with”. Having the past two weeks away from doctors/hospitals has been a blessing on one hand and a wake up call in some ways on the other. In short I have had time to begin to “feel” about my current medical, emotional and financial situations. This is a good thing. As I have learned in the past, it is not good to stuff my feelings. In the past this has led me to make some, to be polite, “not good” decisions. One thing I have learned is that lessons are repeated until learned. And the more my lessons have had to be repeated … the greater the damage done. This has been a somewhat emotional time for me. It is good to shed some tears. It is good to allow myself to be angry. It is good to acknowledge my fears. Only by doing so can I “feel” these feelings and not have them come out sideways directed at others and/or myself and, most dangerously, through making “not good” decisions. Some of my past “not good” decisions in not dealing with my feelings include, but are not limited to, eating those feelings away, burning relationships, horrible/terrible financial decisions as well as other self-destructive behaviors. I do know you cannot drink and drug feelings “away”. I have had some losses and some of these, I see now, were necessary. I am saddened by my losses but I am also becoming more aware of the things I have and am gaining in my life. In short, this has been a period of time where my perception of my life and the people and world around me have profoundly shifted. All of these have changed for the better. Life does indeed go on and I intend, to the best of my ability, go right along with it. I have also been reminded of just how fortunate I am to have the people in my life who I now, more than ever, acknowledge as my family. Thank you for loving me through all of my journey and I know in my heart you will share, with me, the journey yet to come. I am one very grateful human being. This coming week I have a scan and some tests being done and hopefully these will all come out good enough. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. A big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. Your time and gifts are, as always, greatly appreciated and needed. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek