Weekend Update - 1/22/16

This week I have been focused on “waiting”. To further explain…… The waiting I do when I go to the doctor, the lab, radiology and the hospital. I am not even going to include waiting in traffic, at the grocery store, for the movie to start - [ this would require a 450 page book to fully describe the agony of watching not 3, not 5, not 6, but now up to 12 “previews” prior to the start of the movie] - at the airport/train/bus station, going out to eat, the computer/electronic device to work/start and (my personal favorite) on the phone while dealing with insurance or other companies or worse …. the cable company. But I digress, so back to waiting as it applies to my ongoing cancer journey. Sometimes you do not even realize you are waiting. My prime example of this is receiving hospital/doctor/lab/procedure bills over a year after receiving treatment. Surprise! I got another bill for something that occurred over a year ago. The most impactful waiting for me is the time between when the doctor indicates something might be “wrong” and finding out (hopefully) what the “wrong” is. Of course there are tests/labs involved as well as the time involved between the tests/labs before you receive an answer and that answer may be we “think/guess/know” what is going on and how best to treat it. There follows the treatment itself which involves even more waiting while said treatment is given. Then you wait on the results and the you wait for time to pass to “prove” this set of results are indeed correct. So for me there is currently a whole lot of waiting going on. This is my new normal. Please note that I am profoundly grateful I am alive and waiting. At the same time the “waiting” does get old. I have my colonoscopy next week and I will be anxiously waiting for the results of this as the medical folk are “concerned”. I think I will be ok and these symptoms will continue to be part of my new normal. Sometimes life is like a roller coaster and right now I am holding on tight. I believe I am doing well as the worst thing I have done is eat some french toast. In short I am doing very well and feeling those feelings. There is still a great sense of loss in regards to my day to day activities. Sad and disappointed and a little depressed but this is to be expected as I am a human being. Right now I am feeling really human and this is a good thing. I remain very grateful I cannot predict the future and am reminded I do not know what is going to happen. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. A big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek