Weekend Update - 1/15/16

Weekend Update - 1/15/16 Now is one of those times I wish life were all about rainbows and puppies. Alas, that thought belongs to fantasyland. Things continue to move forward. More trips for medical interventions and the bills which follow. I am doing my best to continue to do the next right thing. This is one of those times when “doing the next right thing” entails not performing actions which will not serve me well. So I continue tout one foot in front of the other, breath in and out and try to be as positive as I can be. I have been feeling more intensely the “losses” my illness has bestowed upon me. These losses are becoming more apparent as time goes by and I attempt to live life the way I was once able to. The ability to travel, even short trips at times, is becoming more “mission planning”. My ability to spontaneously show up for anything is becoming a thing of the past. The necessity of having to ask for help with more mundane things (moving things in the house as well as cleaning it, etc) is slowly becoming my new normal. I feel sad. I am more aware of “trials” of other cancer patients and the changes this disease has fostered upon all of us. I know I am not alone and I am aware that while I have my problems, there are many more who have it far worse than I. Living with cancer has caused me to focus on what I believe. I do know, once again, that repeated ritual and ceremony provide me a peace of spirit. I learned this earlier when I first became disabled with back/neck issues and the resultant severe mobility problems about 20 years ago. I must mention this today. We have lost a couple of famous people recently to cancer. I am sad at their passing, but I also have that “cancer patients” feeling of “there but for the grace” go I. Being profoundly aware of the fact they “battled cancer” and “lost” that “battle” to the disease has brought the reality of my disease back in front of me where I cannot ignore it, nor the feelings surrounding my “battle with cancer”. At times over the past couple of days this has been almost overwhelming. A reality check for me. In the coming weeks I have my colonoscopy. As always nowadays, there are people/doctors who are “concerned” due to some symptoms I have. I have done my best to ignore this and be concerned not for medical reasons but because of the great inconvenience of having this procedure done. Those who know …. you know of what I speak. I am at peace with the powers that be and as I have survived my disease quite well so far I am not “worried” about the outcome but more concerned with the “inconvenience”. I am grateful for the continuing support of my “go to hospital with me” friends and my “help me with the at home procedures” friends. With friends like you all I have no worries and really know I am not alone. Well that is what is happening in my world. I am very happy I do not know what will happen. Once again … in closing, the reality of my financial situation continues to be what it is…. not good. I am asking all to give what you can and to remember that no amount is to small. Every little bit helps. I am living month to month, and without the support I have received I would not still be living in my home. A big “THANK YOU” to all who have shared their experience, strength, hope, time and resources. ***Please note that the 12/3/15 post in my blog is one which I encourage you to share freely.*** Please read and share my story. www.gofundme.com/j55wek And read my blog at: riksjourney.blogspot.com