The official diagnosis is - prostate cancer metastasized to the bone. Specifically my spine and also some soft tissue involvement. My gleason score is 9. The doctor says I hopefully have about 4 years. So once again a terminal diagnosis.
My treatment is initially medication (XTANDI) which is insanely expensive (about $12,000 per month). This will hopefully slow the cancer down to the point where radiation would then be an appropriate treatment. I also hope the side-effects will be minimal.
Read my past posts from about 5 years ago for my prior engagement with dealing with this disease. I tried to give weekly updates at that time. And writing those really helped me survive mentally and spiritually as well as physically. About five years ago I had a life expectancy of five years. Well I made it right to the five year mark and then WHAM. Up goes my PSA - it has been going up about 5+ points every 30 days. And so the tests, etc began again. And, well here I am again. Cancer blows ass.
I am also having to move due to a clusterfuck by my current landlord. That is a story for another time. My identity has also been stolen. I am now dealing with that too. Add on the complete dumpster fire of COVID-19 and our nations great federal response to this pandemic (thank a republiKKKan today)........well damn.
On top of that I have been reminded that it is OK for me to ask for help....just like I had to do last time. Being me however I have attempted to do everything myself. As for feelings....for those inclined to want to know what they may be.... well I am still getting around to those.
My answer right now is to be busy and numb. I guess I am writing this now because that really is not working very well for me now. So I am going to talk to the folks at Emory Winship Cancer Hospital. Note that they have offered this support from the beginning but I am finally ready to surrender and ask them for help before I do something stupid. I can hear some of you saying "Oh thank the fucking Lord".
Another reality is the financial part. Well the bills have started and the costs of having to move are not good. So my intent is to swallow my pride and ask for and accept any financial assistance anyone is willing to provide. This really is not easy for me to do but dealing with all of this is hard enough without adding my prideful shameful insanity into the mix.
I do want to thank my family and friends for all of your support and fro being willing to slap me upside my head and pull my head out of my ass. Much love to you all.
More will be revealed. Without humor what do we have.
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