Weekend Update - 12/07/17

It has been a while since I have published anything I have written. I can now say that this too is a part of this journey. This is the third anniversary of my big cancer operation. I have found that no matter how I might try to distract myself from reality, reality continues to show up and bite me in the ass. Over the past several months the effects of my journey with cancer have continued to take a toll. I find myself limited in what I can do and where and when I can go. Also the number of doctor visits has grown exponentially with a couple of new docs added to the mix with all the tests that come with. One part of this are the issues with my bowels. I have some control but at times very little and inspire of my efforts to figure this out by diet, eating times, medications, and exercise my “issues” remain. Part two of this is the fatigue associated with my anemia and my thyroid levels being off. This too is being actively treated by diet, exercise, medications, and anything else I can think of…..which is not much. The undercurrent of all of this is I am currently waiting to see if my blood work improves (no anemia, etc) which I should find out around the end of this month. The jury is still out. The possibilities of what might happen have exacerbated symptoms of my depression as well as my physical health. If my blood work improves then all will be normal. The thyroid issues, bowel issues, diabetes issues, and physical deterioration issues will continue but that is just part of my normal. What has me concerned and feeling unsettled is the possibility that if my blood work does not improve then it will be time for a bone marrow biopsy. That is just what it is. This brings up a conversation I had with my doctors prior to my big cancer operation when I was terminal and my operation was a “hope this works” kind of deal. I was told that the operation would buy me some time. That time being around three to five years. Well it’s three years now and another five months will be the the third anniversary of my radiation treatments. So yes, I am in my head and it has gotten pretty scary. Now, once again, I am left with what do I do now. One thing I am doing is vomiting all of this out into the ether to get it out of me and look at it. I am so very grateful to the folks who are standing by me and who are sharing their experience, strength, and hope with me. I am reminded for the 4,876 time that I do not know what is going to happen, I am not alone, and I am not the only cancer patient going thru this…..so chill the fuck out. Good advice which I plan to exercise as much as possible. Probably be good to start that now. Please read my blog (link below) from the beginning for a complete picture of how I ended up right here right now. It has, and continues to be, one hell of a journey. Feel free to copy, borrow, share this blog anywhere and everywhere. riksjourney.blogspot.com